Common Ground

If you ever think you know everything, sit down and talk with a guy from Liberia. You’ll realize that you know so little as to amount to practically nothing, and that the world is a whole lot bigger than your current perspective allows for. I learned this from my coworker about growing up in Liberia with a chimp for a pet. JJ the Chimp learned how to braid hair from watching his sisters. They only have 4 fingers, so you have to be careful when dealing with them to only show 4 fingers because it might upset them if they notice you have 5. They like to hang out on the weekends and watch movies with you. How can you, with your biases and formative experiences limited to (for example) a comparatively wealthy, white country make any sense of the actions, feelings or motivations of a guy from Liberia?

So I guess it boils down to 2 types of people: people who would say I can’t possibly take the tiny universe of my own experience, analyze your actions, guess at your motivation and pass judgment on you. Then there are people who would say well, it’s your fault that you’re not like me because you should be. I’m the best and my way is the only way. So either you become like me and do things my way, or I’m not going to like you, because I have judged that you’re bad or wrong.

What if everyone could get to know some completely different person? Like bi-partisan pen pals. Think about it. Right now both sides are heavily invested in keeping people in separate corners of the room. Because if they got a chance to talk, maybe they’d realize that they aren’t so different after all. I found myself in the position of trying to find common ground with a friend, because we had a misunderstanding. It seemed like an impossible gulf to find common ground. And he wasn’t the only bull-headed one. Any “liberal” friend that I told about my Republican, deer-head-on-the-wall, pickup-driving, NRA-member friend either rolled their eyes or felt sorry for me.

Partisanship has turned into a rift like black and white. Stick with us. We’re like you. We’re comfortable, known and we are morally and idealistically superior. Hate those people over there in the other corner of the room. And both sides are guilty of this. I can't even listen to most "progressive" radio hosts anymore because they do the same thing.

So here's what I wrote to this friend:

Is there hope? Only if everyone has open eyes and mind to see that the perceived “differences” are really quite the same. And, that insight would need to be applied to other circumstances later on. Take that lens you’re seeing out of and shift it a fraction of an inch. And block out for a moment the radio and TV voices telling you to look at this person this way. You see that the person next to you not as a tree hugging hippie freak but someone who does what they do to protect their kids just like you. Your lived experience included X, Y and Z which led you to conclude that the greatest threats to your kids were A, B and C. Her lived experience was pretty different and she regularly sees things happen that I don’t give a lot of thought to, don’t know about or whatever.

So we are exactly the same from a moral perspective- we do what we do out of the desire to protect our kids. And all this time, you thought we were polar opposites, completely on opposite ends of the political spectrum and were told by all the Republican voices to hate these freaks. Don’t let them get into power or by God they’ll drive the country to ruin.

I really really think that if you try hard enough, you can find common ground on pretty much any issue. The problem is that most politicians and pundits focus on the differences just to get elected or get better ratings. But that's not a very productive way to run a country.

I mean, you must have never imagined having anything in common with a tree-hugging, Prius-driving (you can fill in better terms here I'm sure). All friendly razzing aside, political generalizations have limited usefulness. I just think we have different assessments of what the problems are, and a different focus for our energies.

Anyway, I wonder if you know the story of why I got into this "treehugger" thing. (I'll give you a hint- it wasn't to save the spotted owls and bald eagles.) Over a year ago, I took care of a little girl who ended up dying of cancer at age 3. I did not know what to say to this mother who was living out my worst nightmare. The little girl reminded me so much of my son- she was a little peanut (although bald, yellow, and with an incredibly distended belly) and had a lot of the same mannerisms and phrases. The pictures of her from when she was healthy would break your heart- she was so beautiful. I had a very hard time when she died. I guess you try to find something that you can blame or change. So I thought about all those disclaimers on products that read, "May cause cancer." Shortly thereafter I became an activist. The first thing I did was testify at a hearing for the state to tighten its standards for cleaning up toxic waste sites, telling this little girl's story.

And you know what- it doesn't get easier. Because now I'm seeing kids through from diagnosis (when they still look like normal kids) through whichever way it's over for them- remission or otherwise. Right after we had about 4 passings last summer and fall, I overheard the oncologists talking about tumors they found in a newborn and a baby about a month old.

So, although I may let the kids stay up past 9, I put a lot of effort into making my home as non-toxic as possible (green cleaning products etc.) and I'm trying like hell to improve outside my house too. We all breathe, eat, and drink stuff that causes cancer because these substances are so saturated in the environment we can't avoid it. Mercury from our beloved power plant causes brain damage, and it pumps out lots of asthma-causing toxins. Kids that frequently play sports outside in polluted areas have worse lung function than couch potatoes. Tailpipe exhaust inhibits lung growth and contributes to heart disease.

What I'm trying to say is that I think our concern for our kids gets expressed in different ways. And one approach is most likely not better than another. Because the fact is, you could keep your kids in a bubble and something would still happen to them (they'd probably be psychologically scarred, for starters). There's so many different things that can go wrong there's no conceivable way to anticipate or prevent it all. This job has changed my perspective, because I had to find a way to deal with seeing this stuff happen to other peoples' children and wondering if that can or is happening to mine. The only thing I can really do is the best I can, but most important is to have fun with them, love them and enjoy them while I've got them. Someday, the ungrateful things are going to grow up and leave me anyway.

So see- a treehugger can have something in common with an NRA member- trying to do the best they can for their kids.

Miracles can happen!! Hey- this is huge. We should alert the media. Maybe somebody can get canonized.


It is important to resist the temptation to blame one political party or another, because greed has no bounds and power can corrupt anyone. Bush represents rock bottom for a lot of incorrect societal concepts- materialism and the accumulation of personal wealth at the expense of others, complacency and bad theology. I used to think that corporations and American Idol represented the root of all evil. But then Wal Mart went Green and American Idol raised $70 million for charity. They’re not inherently evil- they are just concentrations of wealth, power and influence. So are governments. Both can be directed for good or bad. Are we going to reject the positive gestures because they’re being done for the wrong reason? Wal Mart is green to improve its image and save money. Maybe they’re just finding it easier to follow the laws talked about by Daniel Quinn in Ishmael. So if that’s the way the system works, there’s nothing wrong with that. There are a lot of people who think governments and corporations should be done away with because they can’t be good. I disagree. They have to be regulated, and be held accountable.